“To be with you for one more second”
This little phrase, and a long list of people, popped into my mind today as I was sitting with my husband. I remembered when we were dating and how we just hated to say good-bye! We would hold each other as long as we could until the moment of departure was inevitable. Just give me one more second to hold you! We’ve been together for two and a half years, I still feel the same way, I just can’t get enough seconds with him!
Then I started thinking about my boys. It seems like just yesterday they were born. Tiny babies in my arms! Just give me one more second to hold you! Then I hear myself telling them to wait a second and before I know it, my oldest is a senior and almost 18 years old, and my youngest is almost 16 years old!! Where did time go? In one more second they’ll be grown! I still want to hold them longer. Give me all the seconds in the world!
But that’s the problem with life, we never know when that last second is going to happen.
We’re coming up on the time of year when my dad passed away from a long, grueling battle with cancer. It will be five years on October 8th, and it just doesn’t get any easier. I think of him all the time; and the tears flow. My Papa Bear. How much I miss him! I still catch myself thinking about telling him something, then the sad realization hits me that I can’t. When I look back at how much has happened in the last five years that I’ve missed sharing with him, my heart weeps. What I wouldn’t give to be with him for just one more second. I'm so thankful to know my that dad loved me, and I know he knew how much I love him, but I wish I had told him more. This is the only picture I have of just my dad and I together. I didn't realize this until after he died and we were preparing for his funeral. Yeah, that broke my heart!
I tell my husband and boys that I love them all the time (and I make a point to take lots of pictures too!), but I hope they know how much I truly love them with every beat of my heart!! I know it’s hard as a kid to understand why parents do certain things. At that age we have such a narrow scope of life, fairly self-centered, and generally it isn’t until adulthood that we understand and appreciate our parents and can see life beyond ourselves. Believe me when I say that I apologize and thank my mom on a regular basis! Coming to that understanding and maturity opened up a deeper level of love in my life. I pray that I have enough time with my boys to see them reach that level!! Not that I’m wanting the apologies and the thanks! Although, that would be nice! I want them to have fond memories of me, as I have of my dad, and I want to see them come to that place of knowing how deeply loved they are and watch them as they learn to really love others.
There are so many people in my life that I love and cherish. I regret my inadequacies at expressing my emotions to them. Do they truly know how much I love them? If this were our last second, would they know how much they mean to me? Was the last memory we made together a happy one? I haven’t spent enough seconds with the ones I love and I know that it is impossible to ever spend enough, but I don’t want to miss out or take for granted the seconds that I can spend. I guess I’m feeling a bit pensive as this time of year hits home again. Wishing I could slow down time and hold the ones I love closer.
No one knows which will be their last second....or the last memory they give to those left behind. Make each one count.
....and take lots of pictures!
