Release

When I was a little girl, it felt like it took five years from one Christmas to the next! As an adult, it feels like five weeks! Where did 2013 run off to so quickly? It seems like just yesterday I was basking in the delight of being newly engaged. Bustling about, planning our wedding, building a barn (yes, we built a barn in our back yard the month before we wed!), moving, then adjusting to married life and all the transitions that brings with two special needs boys. Thank God, all that went smoothly! I just can't believe the year is already over! 

I started something special with my youngest son last year that I intend to continue this year, OneWord 365. You may have read about some of that journey in my post titled ‘HOPE’. The idea is, instead of making New Year's resolutions that get broken, choose one word to focus on throughout the year. 

My son chose the word triumph and I chose hope. At the close of 2013, we sat and discussed how our word had affected our life during the year. He was able to recognize areas that he experienced triumph, which was quite thrilling, and I shared with him how much hope had inspired me to hold on and not give up. I deeply treasure sharing this special journey with him!

It was very important to me not to forget the impact of this word in my life, so I made a little memorial for myself, reminding me that, "Hope is the anchor to my soul and the song in my heart."

After reflecting on the past year, we made plans for our future word. What one word would be best for us in 2014? What one word would inspire growth and encourage us in the areas we need it most? Again, my son chose the perfect word for himself... focus! You see, my son has inherited a lack of.....ooooo, pretty bird! Yeah. This is a great word for him, probably me too, but I already had another word in mind. 

Let go. Yes, I know, that’s two words. I saw the problem with this as well; coupled with a feeling that two words might be too much for me to handle, so I chose the word release. This word  immediately gripped my soul as hope had done. It also sent a quandary of, "Oh dear, what does this year have in store for me?" Still, I felt it would be a good companion to hope, as I have learned that hope is long suffering and it often requires me to let go of many things, including my fears and expectations. Release. 

There is a line between not letting go of hope, and releasing that which holds you back, or holds you down. 

That truth started for me back when my boys were first diagnosed. I had to go through a grieving process. I couldn’t candy coat their diagnosis with words like “handicapable” because I lived with (and still do) the reality of their limitations every day. I had to grieve the loss of my children. All the hopes and dreams that every parent has for their “typical” child, I had to grieve the death of those dreams. This may sound harsh, but those living this reality, know the loss I speak of. Yes, there is a difference between a child who is physically gone from you forever, and the lost child who remains, but both are a significant loss. No one can say that one is easier or harder than the other.

I am so thankful for my children. They have taught me so much and have enriched my life tremendously! It’s not an easy road though. I had to learn to release my unrealistic expectations, because the nagging of what I’ll never have was holding me back and tearing me down. I had to create new hopes and dreams, and then hold on for dear life! There have been so many times that my kids have exceeded what I ever hoped for; other times I have had to readjust my already adjusted hopes and dreams. This is a never ending process. Release. Never give up hope! 

It has recently come to my attention, that I am entering another stage of grief as my oldest nears adulthood. So many new challenges. I can’t even write more about it at this time because my heart is still trying to process it all. This stage is definitely harder than the first. Release. Never give up hope!

I still have so many hopes and dreams for my kids. I know they are different from most parent’s, that’s just how it is. We all have our struggles and triumphs. I’m thankful for both. Somedays more than others, but I know how blessed I am!

*You can find out more about OneWord 365 at:  oneword365.com