It's not okay! But I am.

Often times in my yoga class, the instructor will have us in a funky pose and then say, "Can you be okay with where you are right now?"

That's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. Followed quickly by the question, "Is it really okay to be okay with not okay??!!" 

I mean, it's pretty easy to be okay with where you are at when everything is wonderful! But what about those funky poses life throws at you? 

I imagine being in a car accident, stuck in a burning car, the paramedics approach and say, "Ma'am, we need you to just be okay with where you are at right now." And then they walk away. 

"Ummmm..... no, thank you! Please get me out of here!!" I would be shouting, fighting for my life! The idea of acquiescing to a bad situation is unfavorable. To passively agree without protest, when there might be more that you can do, is that really okay?! 

It's understandable coming to that place when it is so clearly all that is left to do. You have fought the good fight. You have done everything within your power to do everything within your power! Come to peace with what is about to happen. Sure, there is a time for that. And when that time comes, I pray I will be okay with where I am. But until then....I have to keep fighting!

These situations are a no brainer for me. The choice is clear. But what about when the battle lines are fuzzy? We all have battles we don't know how to fight; we have an obligation to do something, but there is no clear, right answer. There is no promise or guarantee that it won't be hard or painful. Regardless of the outcome, how do I come to a place where I am okay, not the situation, but ME! Can I be okay in where I'm at right now? 

This is a difficult subject for me to write about now, because I am facing one of those "not okay" situations where I have an obligation to do something but there is no right answer for what it is that I should do! I'd like to think that if I could control the situation, it would be okay. Maybe I would make more of a mess? But knowing that it is COMPLETELY out of my control is a very helpless and even scary thought. The only thing I can control is ME. How do I go through this and come out on the other side; a miserable, bitter wreck? Or someone who did her very best? With all the love and hard work that's in me, and then some. It's my choice. I choose victory and I won't give up on Hope. That's not an easy choice, but it's one worth fighting for! And perhaps, just maybe, controlling my input will change the "not okay" situation to a better one? Even if it doesn't, I will be better, I will be okay with where I am at right now.

I recently rediscovered the verse Ecclesiastes 3:11, "He has made everything beautiful in it's time." This verse sings to my weary soul! There is a time for everything, and someday, where I'm at will be beautiful. Even pain can produce beauty. I've got a lot of beautiful coming my way! 

So for now....I have to keep fighting, hoping, trusting, praying, loving, caring, laughing, breathing, finding joy in everything possible, and searching to always do the right thing.